umbraportation | PC for Yusuke Kitagawa pursuitofbeauty

[ He doesn't go to the "afterparty" and instead goes in search of Yusuke, whether that's at the housing he stays at or elsewhere. He approaches with clear hesitancy - shuffling side-to-side and twisting the skull ring on his right hand. Though the older individual may not see it as Nico lingers outside of the house the other shares... shared with the people from the alternate version of his world.

Eventually, he lifts a hand to knock at the door. ]

Hey I figured maybe could... talk? [ There's equally as much hesitancy in his voice as there is in his actions. ]

[Yusuke stiffens at the sound of that voice. Before, he trusted Nico. Now, after seeing the younger boy with Vanitas... with Kurusu....

For a moment, he considers remaining silent or telling Nico to go away. He's not in the mood to talk, anyway. What is there to say? If Kurusu is with Nico to gather his things or to kick Yusuke out of this house, there's not much Yusuke can do against the two of them.

He's so tired.]

... if Kurusu-san wants me out, I will need a few minutes to gather my things.

No, it's not that.

[ Nico is quick to respond. Not wanting Yusuke to think that he's on behalf of either of them. Both of them could fight their own battles if it came to that. ]

It's just me. [ He's alone. What he was here to do has nothing to do with either Vanitas or Akira. ]

[Yusuke takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before going to the door. When he opens it he's standing ramrod straight, looming over Nico with a closed off, somewhat cold expression.]

What do you want from me?

[ At the look, he flinches visibly and his shoulders hunch in as both hands get tucked into his coat pockets. Maybe he deserves that cold stare, maybe he deserves everything Yusuke is feeling towards him right now.

But Nico brushes that off to say what he came here to say. ]

Nothing. I don't want anything from you. [ He makes that extremely clear. Then Nico looks Yusuke straight in the eyes when he says this next part. ] All I wanted to do is apologize. Sorry, if it seemed like I was siding with them. That wasn't my intention at all.

I just wanted to make sure no one got hurt because I know what kind of regrets you can have when you attack someone when emotional. I've done it before. It's not a burden you should have had to live with.

[ Then he turns to leave, not expecting or waiting for forgiveness. After all, Nico did say that he didn't want anything from the other. ]

... I hate it.

[It's quiet, maybe barely enough for Nico to catch with his back turned. It's hollow rather than cold, hollow and filled with exhaustion.]

I hate that he can speak to anyone except me. With Goro here, I might've had a chance to get through to him. Now... I fear there is no bridging that gap. Whoever was selfish enough to kill caused more than a single murder last night. They destroyed far more than that.

[ He does hear something, words but only catches the first two words until he stops and shifts back to look at the older male. Nico's expression is softer than most people get to see, more understanding and vulnerable than he shows in public. ]

I don't know him all that well but he doesn't seem that great at talking with people in general. Which is maybe why we get along because I'm the same. Losing someone we care about, it draws out the worst in everyone I think. I tend to push people away even on a good day and on my worst - I hurt people. Physically and emotionally.

But if you want to try to talk to him, maybe I can be there to try and act as a mediator? [ It's a very loose suggestion, not anything more than that. ]

Do you really believe I'm any better at talking to others? I pushed everyone away, I denied anything was wrong with my life. My eventual friends had to force me to let them save me from the man who used me. Until the moment of my demise, I still often erred in matters of social connections. Yet they always forgave me.

[Yusuke grips the door frame until his thin fingers whiten.]

He insists that I should not treat him as the Akira Kurusu I know. So then I should not expect him to forgive me.

Maybe not but we're trying. Finding someone you can talk to helps a lot, I've found. Maybe you won't find someone here that completely understands exactly how you're feeling but keeping it bottled up is more damaging than one might realize. I have plenty of experience with that.

[ At that he shrugs. ]

Then don't expect it. Just think of how it'd feel if you didn't at least offer it and something happened to one of you. That's what I did. It's why I'm here now.

[ He stills expects nothing from this. ]

You heard what he said. He no longer wishes to speak to me. It's likely that any attempt on my part will only start another altercation, and I no longer trust myself not to retaliate with force.

[He looks down at his other hand as if he doesn't recognize it.]

This feeling... is truly ugly. I cannot comprehend why it has grown so dark in such a short time. But none of you deserve to suffer it or my foolishness, save for the one responsible for Goro's death.

[A hint of bitterness slips into his voice.]

Though Vanitas's favoritism will grant Kurusu-san the privilege of execution, I'm sure.

You accused him of murder, I'm sure that hurt him pretty badly. Even if he doesn't say anything does that really mean you can't tell him whether you're sorry or not?

[ Nico looks down too, not sure what Yusuke is thinking or feeling when he looks at it. ]

I'm guessing we weren't picked at random because we're all filled with light and goodness, that's for sure. [ A hint of bitter sarcasm fills his voice. ] Would you do it? Would you kill someone if it meant not losing yourself and potentially saving twelve other people?

[ He's curious to hear the answer to that question. It's one he'd answer in return. At that, Nico sighs. ]

Truthfully, I don't know if Vanitas or Eraqus have as much control over what's happening here than we think they do. They've both been reading from papers as if even they don't know all of the details of what's happening here. Instructions written by someone else that maybe they aren't allowed to ignore. Who's knows what's actually going to happen tomorrow.

I wasn't accusing, his behavior was so suspicious, I was asking....

[He covers his face with both hands. Gods, he's so tired. It doesn't matter what he meant, Kurusu took it badly.]

He won't speak to me. But... please tell him I'm sorry, if that even has any meaning for him at this point. As for this game, I....

[He shakes his head, his face still covered.]

I don't have the energy to think about it right now. And even if I did, I am essentially useless. I'm no detective, only a student of the arts.

He lost a friend, too. Both of you are so close to him - whether he was the Goro you knew or not. What I saw wasn't guilt over killing Goro, it was guilt at not being able to save him. The same thing I see in you.

[ Things escalate so quickly and can spiral out of control when people are blaming themselves for not doing anything sooner. Nico nods. ]

I'll tell him, but I still think it'd be better coming from you.

[ If Akira has anything to say back... well, it'll depend on the response. Yusuke looks ready to crack and Nico doesn't want to be the one who breaks him by relaying a message. ]

Try and at least get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow. [ He'll raise his hand to say goodbye and take his leave shortly after that. After a couple of steps, Nico stops and looks over his shoulder. ]

For what it's worth, I don't believe you're the killer either.

Edited 2019-09-01 07:02 (UTC)

... thank you.

[Yusuke retreats back into the house then. With his hands lowered from his face to close the door, Nico might get a brief glimpse of just how exhausted he looks, more now than when he was shoring himself up with frosty indifference.]

PC for Yusuke Kitagawa pursuitofbeauty

Saturday

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